How to deal with giving advice
9 September, 2016
Sometimes life is rough, and I mean seriously you can feel the lowest of low, like a piece of chewed up gum, stuck to the floor that’s been lifted from shoe to surface to shoe again, til eventually….you feel like you have disintegrated into nothing…
Harsh reality and words right? Yeah, sometimes that harshness is exactly how we feel. It could be a MASSIVE thing in your life making you feel like that, it could be a lot of little things built up. Whatever it is, it’s your problem and no matter how big or small, it’s still an issue in your life.
Do you find yourself being the person that everyone goes to? In my life, i find that I am always the one to give advice, in fact sometimes I have about 12 Facebook chat windows open, 50 e-mails to respond to with people asking for advice, or wanting something, and then question after question about so many different things that I know in life…and let’s be honest, I LOVE it, but sometimes it really does get overwhelming.
I am absolutely not saying that I want any of this to stop, I just find ways to deal with it all in my own way without it sending me slightly crazy. In my life, I have always been the go-to person, I lived central back in my hometown so parties and gatherings were always at my place. It’s no different now, except it’s not physical, people flock to me on social media instead.
I have to do a series of things to make myself OK, giving advice, even just listening or answering questions or physically doing things for people does get tough at points of my life. It’s rewarding enough though so I just go through ways to cope myself…so that I can GIVE back. My last post talked about finding purpose…now that I know that MY purpose is to help others, I also have to find a way to help myself otherwise I am simply useless to me and others…
So I have focused on when people are constantly asking for advice…here are a few of my own tips…
- I feel pressure whenever someone asks for advice. But then i think to myself…sometimes, saying nothing is all that is needed. I always feel like it’s my DUTY and JOB to help by showing a solution. But most of the time, the other person just wants an ear. Or a hug. Remember that you don’t have to be great at advice, listening can be the best thing for someone. My tip: Don’t be too hard on yourself.
- Try not to absorb people’s emotions. Sure, you can FEEL for them, absolutely, but I always find that after these times, reflection on my own life is what get’s me out of feeling emotional and it effecting myself later on. My tip: Take 10 minutes after these times to think about 3 things in your life that you are grateful for. Or watch something uplifting, I find “Funny cats and dogs” on Youtube always helps (hahaha).
- Not everybody wants to hear you preaching or giving advice, see number 1, the thing is, I always get slightly offended when people don’t listen to my advice. But I continue to tell myself “This person needs to help themselves and my words are not going to be the catalyst to them making a change to better this issue in their life because they are not ready”. My tip: It’s OK to walk away. If what you are saying or even just listening isn’t working, maybe they need to figure this out for themselves. Going around in circles can effect you too – move on from it.
- You know what? I am VERY quiet about who is asking for advice in my life, in fact some of this may come as a shock to people simply because I don’t voice it. It is mentally draining and to be honest sometimes it effects me in ways I didn’t realise. I think for me, it’s because I am quite good at keeping people’s issues to myself, if they personally speak to me and me only about it, I keep that between us. However it can cause fights in other aspects of my life because I am continuously speaking to others…that other friends or family members may miss out on my time. My tip: Be honest, tell that friend or family member looking for your time that the reason you don’t want to talk about your day is because you just spent half of it speaking with 5 people and listening to their issues. There’s no need to say what these issues were…but at least THEY will understand why you are mentally tired.
- I sometimes have days where I just don’t want to listen to everything else…and perhaps I have my own problems to deal with. And that’s OK. Recognise that you need your own time. My tip: Create a mental space for you. Take the time to work on you too. You are not a super hero.
- You can sometimes go through an emotional overload. That’s mostly when you have too much going on…people want your attention…you are busy….you are taking on too much. You need to recognise this and decide what you do. Make sure that you let your emotions out too. My tip: talk to someone too, cry when you need. Maybe it’s time for a mental health day for you?
- At the end of the day, taking on others emotions and issues is hard work. But you are important too. Sometimes I can go missing simply because I need an out from everything. More often than not I am sitting by myself. My tip: physically be somewhere else, 15 minutes watching the ocean, being alone, solidarity can be uplifting in itself. Turn your phone off and just be.
Sometimes when I write these posts, it actually helps me to reflect exactly what I need to do to continue to be a good person. And I often mention that me writing these posts not only helps some of you – but also myself. I hope that these tips can help you to get through other peoples hard times. Being there for someone can be rewarding, but also very hard…you are important too though.