DIVORCE is shit!
17 October, 2018
Everybody has had their fair share of bad times in their lives, it’s not uncommon to go through intense negative feelings and depression and it not have an awful impact on your health.
The difference now is that we TALK about it more which helps with our mental and emotional ability! And so we should! Why do we have to sugar coat how we feel just to make the other person be “OK” when you’re clearly not OK at all.
Both Ange and I have definitely been through a rough few years, probably the toughest time in our lives in fact. I personally lived a fairly sheltered life until a few years ago, and especially when I left my husband and my entire life that I had known for over 15 years.
They say that divorce (or in general a break up where assets and children are involved) is like going through a death in your immediate family, you quite literally have no idea of what it feels like until it happens. Sadness, anger, pain, guilt, resentment, fear, confusion, relief…everything you feel when you lose a loved one to death, you feel the same when you go through divorce.
It’s absolutely not a fun time, and if you have had a cruisey separation then hats off to you.
You not only have to think about the house/assets, money, living arrangements, custody etc. but you also have to think about the family unit and how they are affected too. And I mean ALL the family, including the joint friends. Sometimes, people feel like they have to take sides. They shouldn’t – but they do!
In a nut shell…divorce is shit!
I spent a long time thinking about the decision I was making in my head, countless counselor sessions where my counselor actually told me in every session “You have checked out of your marriage, you know the decision you have to make!” and unfortunately, i still ignored all of what she said simply because i didn’t want to intentionally hurt people.
When such an intense decision is looming, plus depression is pulling you down, it is very hard to focus and look at things with a clear mind. Thoughts and fear interrupt your head at every waking minute (even in your sleep!)
To some, it’s easier to continue living an unhappy life, I know for me when I was younger, if i heard of people divorcing i got a little judgmental and just thought they didn’t try hard enough to make it work. HOW WRONG of me to assume other peoples happiness? There are always 2 sides to a story and usually people don’t hear both!
The easiest option for all of us is to stay in a marriage that isn’t working, suck it up, get on with it, and just pretend we are happy! The BRAVE option is to speak up and make some very hard decisions based on how you are feeling and change your entire life!
It will be hard, it will tear you apart emotionally, mentally and physically…but (and there’s always a but) without the storm, there would be no rainbows.
So I really felt like speaking up about this was something that had to happen, both of us have been going through this for a few years now, and collectively it’s been a strain on both of us together and singularly, however it’s probably brought us closer together in reality – regardless of how much a couple of other people have wanted it to pull us apart – jokes on them.
Whether you have just drifted apart as a couple or grown apart, there was betrayal, you realised that you were married for the wrong reasons, you are together simply for convenience…If you are unhappy in your marriage, do everything in your power to make it work, and if at the end of that it’s still a massive weight on your shoulders that isn’t lifting, then assess how and why you feel this way.
Remember these very important points!
- You are NOT a bad person for feeling differently…
- You are NOT responsible for making OTHER people happy…
- You are NOT going to ruin others lives forever…
- You ARE allowed to move on…
- You ARE the creator of your own happiness so do more of what makes you happy!
We do hope this can help you to find your own journey.